Donald Trump previews every Decision Day game

The final weekend of the MLS regular season is here, and Donald Trump is here to help you get ready for it!

The GOP nominee has some (fake) thoughts on all things MLS. Take a look:

Houston at Colorado

Trump’s preview: Mauro Manotas, such a nasty player. No stamina, believe me. A big liar! Too many bad hombres down there!

San Jose at Sporting KC

Trump’s preview: Saad Abdul-Salaam, I don’t trust that guy. Probably doesn’t respect women. Nobody respects woman more than me, ok?

FC Dallas at LA Galaxy

Trump’s preview: Dallas shouldn’t win any trophies, Colorado should! MLS is rigged, just like the Emmys! Really, really bad, trust me.

Montreal at New England

Trump’s preview: Dopey Didier should be fired. What a disaster! Terrible player, folks, I’ve seen him. Little Mauro keeping him! SAD

Columbus at NYCFC

Trump’s preview: Columbus, what a horrible team. Look how bad they are! Terrible, terrible. I will make Columbus great again! Only I can do it!

D.C. United at Orlando

Trump’s preview: Crappy Kreis, he’s a failure! Failed in New York, failed everywhere! What a yuge loser! I’d do much better, trust me.

Red Bulls at Philadelphia

Trump’s preview: Sappy Sapong is not the real deal. Too urban! Lots of people agree with me!

Real Salt Lake at Seattle

Trump’s preview: Sounders media is rigging this game, no doubt. Biased ESPN should be cancelled. Such phonies! Just like SNL!

Chicago at Toronto FC

Trump’s preview: Giovinco, that tiny guy — way too small to be successful. Not a winner. Cheats bigly. Worst deal of all time!

Portland at Vancouver

Trump’s preview: Darlington Nagbe, what a loser. Turned down national team. Born in Liberia. So unpatriotic. You know it, I know it, everybody knows it!