The final weekend of the MLS regular season is here, and Donald Trump is here to help you get ready for it!
The GOP nominee has some (fake) thoughts on all things MLS. Take a look:
Houston at Colorado
Trump’s preview: Mauro Manotas, such a nasty player. No stamina, believe me. A big liar! Too many bad hombres down there!
San Jose at Sporting KC
Trump’s preview: Saad Abdul-Salaam, I don’t trust that guy. Probably doesn’t respect women. Nobody respects woman more than me, ok?
FC Dallas at LA Galaxy
Trump’s preview: Dallas shouldn’t win any trophies, Colorado should! MLS is rigged, just like the Emmys! Really, really bad, trust me.
Montreal at New England
Trump’s preview: Dopey Didier should be fired. What a disaster! Terrible player, folks, I’ve seen him. Little Mauro keeping him! SAD
Columbus at NYCFC
Trump’s preview: Columbus, what a horrible team. Look how bad they are! Terrible, terrible. I will make Columbus great again! Only I can do it!
D.C. United at Orlando
Trump’s preview: Crappy Kreis, he’s a failure! Failed in New York, failed everywhere! What a yuge loser! I’d do much better, trust me.
Red Bulls at Philadelphia
Trump’s preview: Sappy Sapong is not the real deal. Too urban! Lots of people agree with me!
Real Salt Lake at Seattle
Trump’s preview: Sounders media is rigging this game, no doubt. Biased ESPN should be cancelled. Such phonies! Just like SNL!
Chicago at Toronto FC
Trump’s preview: Giovinco, that tiny guy — way too small to be successful. Not a winner. Cheats bigly. Worst deal of all time!
Portland at Vancouver
Trump’s preview: Darlington Nagbe, what a loser. Turned down national team. Born in Liberia. So unpatriotic. You know it, I know it, everybody knows it!