At some point during my long trek back to LA from San Jose, probably between my usual visit to Casa de Fruta and the 5 freeway, I began to think about Dirty South Soccer’s All-Atlanta Starting XI of rappers.
It’s a stacked list, and the cosmopolitan city of Atlanta is one of the musical cornerstones of these United States. But c’monnn. This is Los Angeles we’re talking about here. The entertainment capital of the world.
With that in mind, we set out to create a starting XI of tried-and-true LA based musicians that would make Angelinos proud.
Here is the LAG Confidential rock musician starting XI.
Manager Del Preston prefers a Latin flavor to his style of play, so the lineup features a spine of Red Hot Chili Peppers.
In goal: Zach De La Rocha, Rage Against The Machine: A vocal leader in the back is necessary, and the singer knows how to organize a three-man line.
Center back: Anthony Kiedis, Red Hot Chili Peppers: What Kiedis lacks in height he makes up for in shirt-less strength.
Left back: Slash, Guns & Roses: You need a dependable hand in a back three, and Slash’s stable guitar playing lends itself well to this lineup.
Plus, Slash gets bonus points for actually going to Galaxy games.
RIght back: Dave Grohl, Foo Fighters: Like the Galaxy, this lineup is a bit top-heavy with older players, and the Foo Fighters frontman and Nirvana drummer provides both youth and versatility.
Midfielder: Lars Ulrich, Metallica: Everyone knows Lars is an insufferable jerk with sloppy kicking skills, making him the perfect destroyer.
(Side note: Lars threw a bottle of Jeager across the room after finding out he’d be listed as a defensive midfielder, yelling that he’s not defensive. So we changed it to “midfielder” because rock n’ roll.)
Midfielder: Flea, Red Hot Chili Peppers: Provides endless energy in the middle of the pitch, like a really old Michael Stephens.
Central attacking midfielder: John Frusciante, Red Hot Chili Peppers: The fulcrum of the attack, the legendary guitarist is capable of creating art at a moment’s notice.
Fast forward to 15:59 of this clip and tell me Frusciante isn’t capable of intricate passing in the final third.
Attacking midfielder: Omar Rodriguez-Lopez, At The Drive-In, The Mars Volta: Omar is a dictator on stage, and on the left wing, the musical maestro tears it up with his chaotic playing style.
Some will smartly note that ORL is actually from El Paso. Well...you want to win, don’t you? Technically The Mars Volta has LA roots, so he’s in.
Attacking midfielder: Tom Morello, Rage Against the Machine, Audioslave: Morello’s unique but stable sound provides a positive balance to Rodriguez-Lopez’s more unconventional madness.
Striker: Chris Cornell, Audioslave, Soundgarden: Like a stone with his hold-up play. Capable of shouldering the load when the supporting cast is having an off-night.
Striker: Gwen Stefani, No Doubt: Spends too much time trapped in the box, but underneath it all the talented singer plays a simple kind of game.
Like our list? Any changes to the lienup you would make?