With an MLS strike imminent, a Marxist defense of MLS single entity

The party, MLS, is under constant threat from those who oppose it. From its inception, we have labored under the specter of collapse, constantly battling a bourgeois market who refuses to invest in our league for reasons as petty as "we don’t make money." To them I say, "Ha!" Our league may not make money, but thanks to its brilliant Marxist construction, our league is protected from such an utterly ridiculous need, for in the end, we seek not money, but revolution— A historical epoch that will forever change how sport is played and consumed. And single entity is the path to such a change.

There are many who rail against the "evils of single entity," however these are tirades of fools and tricksters. Thanks to our league's brilliant Marxist construction which allows it to exist in a perpetual state of making just enough to cover the electric bills, MLS has grown into an uncollapsible behemoth, completely insulated from the forces of capital that seek to destroy it.

Prior to the revolution of 94 and the genesis of our great party, American soccer was a desolate wasteland and stuck on a perpetual loop. Leagues would spring up, but as soon as the proletariat would begin to rally around it, the league would collapse. Revolution was impossible. For this reason, every day that MLS remains open is a victory for the proletariat, as it allows their numbers to grow.

Of late, however, the market has sought to turn our sport against us, with forces from Europe seeking to lure away our workers with promise of riches, and steal away our fans with the allure of Manchester Uniteds and Arlo Whites.

Bah! They may have slowed our revolutionary torrent, but they cannot stem the tide completely. In short, they are merely prolonging the inevitable. The eventuality of a day when a true worker's party rises up and overthrows their bourgeois leagues of Cowboys, Red Wings and Knickerbockers, and replaces them with clubs of the people: Sporting Kansas Citys and Colorado Rapids!

But the slowing of the revolution has caused the more short sighted among us to grow antsy and question the wisdom of the system which has brought us so far. They seek to speed up the process by introducing dangerous ideas, like "free agency" and "living wages".

Dangerous ideas, these. Dare I say, even, insidious. Insidious ideas that have corrupted the minds of our work force and have led us to the brink of certain strike. But who is to blame for this? Sadly, it is the league itself.

In "Socialism and Man in Cuba," Che Guevara explains the importance of re-educating the worker and reorienting the value of labor to the worker.

In order to develop a new culture, work must acquire a new status … A person begins to become free from thinking of the annoying fact that one needs to work to satisfy one's animal needs. Individuals start to see themselves reflected in their work and to understand their full stature as human beings through the object created, through the work accomplished. Work no longer entails surrendering a part of one's being in the form of labor power sold, which no longer belongs to the individual, but becomes an expression of oneself, a contribution to the common life in which one is reflected, the fulfillment of one's social duty.

In the case of MLS, the object created is soccer— A peoples game played in parks across the country for absolutely no compensation other than the enjoyment of the athlete. For those that play pick-up games in the park, the playing of soccer is not a commodity. It is a labor of love and a means of creative expression. They do it for free, and the personal value they gain from it is not tied to any dollar amount.

Comrades, any Marxist theorist will tell you that this is the very definition of social labor and the attitudes of those who play pick-up soccer are the values of a socialist worker. This should not be a hard concept to instill on the work force. Sadly, however, the players within our glorious single entity league have not been educated properly.

In the case of the socialist entity of MLS, this should have been an easy task because the labor in question is soccer-- A sport that is intrinsically loved by all who play it. A sport that is, for the vast majority of the people playing it, not something they get paid for. But it hasn’t happened and as we have seen in this latest round of CBA talks, the players still retain their vestigial need for "capital."

What exactly is a "living wage?" They’re alive aren’t they? And what about this notion of free-agency? Why, anyone with half a brain can reason that if owners were forced to bid for the likes of Troy Perkins, the bidding would get so out of control that the league would go bankrupt instantly.

Our work force is demanding we destroy everything we hold dear, all in the name of capital and the ability to not have to live in Toronto anymore. It’s absurd, for when the league collapses, you’ll find these very same players who demand absurd compensation, playing pick-up games in the park for free.

Comrades, our league may be on the brink of death, but if we manage to avoid this fate, it is imperative that MLS appoint a propaganda czar. We need someone who can turn this league into a communist utopia just as Che Guevara did in Cuba.

Did you know that the children of this country are unfamiliar with works of Trotsky? Let's change that! We already have the infrastructure. Thousands of our future workers are already enrolled in our academies. Now we need to mold them into the type of workers necessary to bring about our grand epoch. Perhaps have Jozy Altidore travel from academy to academy giving speeches on the danger of going to Europe. Perhaps have our children stitch the soccer balls used around the league, thereby involving them from start to finish in its production. Above all, our academies should instill in these children the values of those who play pick-up in the park. Soccer is it's own reward.

I will leave you with the words of Vladimir Lenin

Give me four years to teach the children and the seed I have sown will never be uprooted.